Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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