smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
