someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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