He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
