you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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