i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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