He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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