The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Less talking, more tequila
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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