i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
