Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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