If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
