I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
