so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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