Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
