I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
