wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
