If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
