forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
