So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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