Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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