ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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