There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
