Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
