Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
