i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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