i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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