I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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