I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
