A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
