Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
