What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
