can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to calm my uterus...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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