Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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