I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
