doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
