so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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