Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
