your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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