Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
