I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
