shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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