my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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