I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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