They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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