if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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