Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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