Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
