having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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