Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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