I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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