In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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