super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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