She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
