this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
