I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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