I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
