I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
