i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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