my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
