your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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