He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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