I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
