i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
