Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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