she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
