I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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